Super Woman...Not.

So tonight was just another frustrating event where I thought I had it all together only to realize no matter how hard I try, I seem to fail. And I just wanted to cry. A matter of fact, as I was trying to flat iron my hair as quickly as possible, a few tears escaped my eyes & I quickly wiped them away so I wouldn't have to explain to Reggie why I was crying.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like no matter what I do or how hard I try or work, I fail? Why do I feel like it's never enough or good enough? Why am I so frustrated with myself & others? Why can't I pull it together?

I read a message, a friend put on Facebook sharing the difference between a Super Woman & an Abiding Woman. I'm embarassed to admit it but I fell under the Super Woman category and that's not a good thing.

Super Woman verses Abiding Woman
Does vs. Is
Tries to impress others vs Pleases the Lord
Is controlled by agenda vs Is controlled by Holy Spirit
Self worth found in accomplishments vs Self worth found in accurate view of who she is in Christ
Discouraged by failure vs Remembers Gods strength is made perfect in weakness
Expects perfection from self & others vs Practices grace with self & others
Teaches her kids to be good vs Teaches her kids to be Godly
Frustrated with lack of spiritual fruit vs Abides in Christ & bears much fruit
Does things with children vs Builds a relationship with children
Perspective is based on what is seen vs Perspective is based on what is unseen
Chooses quantity of activities vs Chooses the most excellent of ways

What can I say? I asked God tonight what was I doing wrong? And He has shown me. Does this make me feel like a bigger failure than ever? YES! But I must move from trying to be super woman to being an abiding woman! A super woman, I am not & will never be, no matter how hard I try! But with your help Lord, I can abide! I must abide!

Get Real

Once again I find myself here. God has asked me to 'blog' ...well not in those words but I'm suppose to write. Why? Not sure. What? Don't really know. What I do know is I start & then I stop??? I need to learn how to be real. I think I'm real but then I'm not really? I'm not sure I really know how to be. I don't consider myself a vain person but I'm too concerned about my image (how I will look) - it's true! I want to be someone I'm not or maybe there's this kind of person I want to be... I'm just not that person yet!

I'm hoping God will help me to become real & in doing so ...maybe He has a plan in it all;) ... I want to make a difference for real...like really help someone - how? I don't know - I feel so far from that right now. Only a handful of friends & family even know I have a blog but It's been so long since I have written I'm sure they've even forgotten but that's okay...as for now...I need to do this for me. I need to obey what God has been telling me for so long & that's good enough for me!

I just read a blog from an aquaintance & I was encourage by their honesty with their struggles. And God has used it to once again remind me that I need to write & I need to share my struggles & not fear how I will look or if no one cares or for that matter if anyone ever even reads this. I need to get real with myself. Thank you God for continuing to be patient with me & reminding me to do what you've asked me to do so many times! And thank you M & C for your blog & your honesty that has made me try this once again! Here I am Lord!